My Name Is Paul

Paul: 1987? - July 30, 2007

2007-07-31T16:10:00.000-07:00

This is Paul's Editor.

I am sorry to write and say that Paul had a bad episode of colic Sunday afternoon. The vet came out and gave him some banamine and tubed him. Paul still had not passed any manure by the next morning and went down again. A second examination by the vet showed what we couldn't see the evening before, that the blockage/kink was in Paul's small intestine.

We discussed all options with the vet. His opinion was that it was unlikely that the blockage would resolve itself. In a younger horse, chances might have been as high as 20%, but for a 20-year old mule, the chances were nearly zero. The odds of recovery through surgery were only slightly better, assuming he made it through the surgery at all. At this point, Paul was fairly comfortable due to a second large syringe of banamine, but his breathing was labored. He was becoming dehydrated. His gums were pale pale pink.

Right before noon, we decided to let Paul go before he began to feel any pain. Based on the cold hard facts, it was a simple decision to make, but one of the hardest things to actually do. I led him into the round pen and we all said our goodbyes. The vet and I were quiet together, standing hidden on Paul's near side. The vet put the needle in and Paul went down slowly and peacefully, just like he did everything else in his life.

We buried Paul over by the ring, next to the new barn, in a patch of lush green grass. Johnny dug a deep deep grave and laid Paul in gently with his feet tucked up underneath him.

For a mule who went unappreciated for 19 years of his life, his last one couldn't have been any happier. Every one who met him, loved him. I couldn't bring him up from the pasture without people, adults and kids both, stopping to tell him hello and give him a scratch or a hug. You always hear about how stubborn a mule is and how hard they are to work with, but I don't believe that's true. Every minute I spent with him gave me happiness. He had a great memory and as soon as he figured out the logical reason behind my crazy requests, he was happy to comply. He did everything I ever asked him to do and I tried to do the same for him. He was a good friend to me. He carried me wherever I asked him to go. He toted my son around and never took a wrong step. My husband is frightened of horses, so a giant mule should have scared him to death, but he loved Paul and was proud of him, too.

I am so glad that Paige and Johnny took a chance on Paul and brought him home from the auction that day. I am grateful to them for letting me lease him and spend so much time with him.

When the day comes that I see Paul again, I will tell him one more time how proud I am of him. But I don't believe he will have forgotten. After all, mules remember everything.

One Last Thing to Say

2007-07-31T16:08:00.000-07:00

I hav had a rough couple of days. On Sunday afternoon, I started to colick. Mah Editor was there rubbing mah head. The veterinarian cam right out to see me and gave me a big shot of bananamine. He felt all around me inside and out and put som mineral oil down into mah stomach. I felt som what better, though a little woozy, when he left.

It rained all night that night, I heard it from inside, where I was waiting in a stall to start to feel better. Mah Editor cam out early the next morning. I was sleeping into the stall with my feets tucked up beside me. We go out and she brushes the shavings out of mah hair and wipes off mah face with a cool cloth. I am still not hungry or thirsty. I am not interested of the water or fresh hay. Mah belleh still hurt. I has not yet pooed.

The vet coms out again. Mah Editor drove fast from work to be there and coms over to rub mah head again. I feel so bad. I get more bananamine. There is a discussion, but I don’t care to listen in. I can not concentrate. What ever it is, it is important, for every one is gathered around. In a minute, Mah Editor leads me into the round pen.

I remember it now. Every body coms up to hug onto me. I get so many kisses. Every body tells me what a good boy I am. It is like every other day, except this time every body is crying. Then every body leaves except the veterinarian and Mah Editor. She says to me, “Thank you, Paul” and som other mushy private things. Now they are quiet with each other and close their eyes for just a minute. There is not one single sound any where. The veterinarian gives me one needle, then another, then another one. I am sleepy now and close my eyes, too.

I want all of you to know that I am on this other side now. There is so much to do, I has not been all around the place yet. When you walk in, all you can see is big grass and rolling hills. Look up and you see mountains in the distance, when I get time I am going to walk over to them. Did you know that every single animal I has ever known is here? Mah own mother is here, I have not seen her in so long. There are so many horses and mules, I did not think I ever met so many, but I did. Dogs, cats, all kinds of animals, som of whom belong to som of you. They are waiting for you. If you are an animal and you go to the other side before the people who love you, this is the place where you wait for them. When your human person gets here, then you go over to them and pick right up where you left off when you were onto the earth, except this time neither one of you has an ache or pain, or has trouble communicating, or runs short on time because you has to go to work and pay the bills.

So I will wait for you here, right where the grass is high and the clover is mixed into it, close to the shade trees. When I see you coming across that field, I will be right over to meet you at the gate, just like always.

I bleev I will see you all again. In the mean time, I remain,

Your Friend,
Paul

Bizzy!

2007-07-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

I guess you might hav been saying to your self, "Where has Paul been?" "Wut has he been doing?"

I have not been any where. I hav been right here, waiting for Mah Editor to stop working so much. She works into a lah firm, a place where you go to if you need som one to help you transact official business, or if you get into fight with som one and need to hire som one to help you argue, or you steal som one's belonging or stab them with a nife and are going to jail. Or if you just want to get a house, Mah Editor will help you do all the paper work to get your self a house. At the end of the month is when every body wants to sell their house and buy a new one.

All week long she has been hearing, "I HAS A QUESTION ABOUT MAH HUD!" "IS MAH SURVEY BACK YET, MAH BUYERS WANT TO LOOK AT IT!" "HOW MUCH MONEYS DOES I HAVE TO BRING TO CLOSING??!?" "IS IT FUNDED YET? WHEN CAN I GIT MAH KEYS?"

There has barely been enough time for her to come out and groom me and feed me an apple at the end of every day. We are going on a trail ride on Sunday. May be she will take som photographs.

The Power of the Internut

2007-07-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

You are not going to bleeve this either, but som body in Australia has written to me in an e-mail. (I am so glad I checked mah e-mail. Usually there is not much in it except for ads to embiggen various parts of my self.)

Yes, it's true. If you don't bleeve me, you can go visit his web page: http://www.bazzyboy.net. I has also linked to it over there at the top.
He has a web site of his own, much snazzier than mine, his Editor is brilliant. His name is Bazz and like my self, he enjoys to eat things. His family is more famous and has run into the races and had statues made of them selves. But since he lives in Australia where every thing is the opposite, he has decided to make a career of going slow and was thus retired from the track. I say, more power to him. There is no point in being into a hurry. What ever it is, it can wait.

Go look at his page. It is nice.

New Friend

2007-07-22T15:29:00.001-07:00

Remember how I told you I had som thing exciting to say? Well, you are not going to bleeve this but I hav got a friend, one who is a lot like me. Her name is Anna and she is a Belgian just like my beloved mom and who may in fact hav A TINY MULE GROWING INSIDE HER RIGHT THIS MINUTE! We don't know know yet, it is too early to tell. She came from the auction and right now has got a cut onto her beautiful leg which looks a lot like mah own handsome leg, so she is staying inside for the time being.

Mah Editor has instructions to share mah apples with her. She is a little thin. A halter has also rubbed the hair off her beautiful muzzle but that will be all right. She just got here last night and has already had a bath and is settled into a cozy stall.

I can not wait until she can com outside to see me.

Hyphen-Roe

2007-07-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

Today I get a visit from Tonia and Barry Hyphen-Roe. It turns out that they like carrots too and do not travel without them. They bring a bag full out to my place.

Pleased to meet you, Hyphen-Roe.

Grooms me. Yeah, just like that.

Come on, quit looking back. Never look back.

Good job, Hyphen-Roe!

Mohawk

2007-07-21T17:18:00.000-07:00

I hav crazy hair.

Look, see?

I don't do any thing special to it.

It just naturally is that way.

Best Ever

2007-07-21T15:01:00.000-07:00

This is one of the happiest days of mah life! I will tell you why laters!

TOOEXCITEDTOOEXCITEDTOOEXCITEDTOOEXCITED

Moving Around

2007-07-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

I been working on mah reinback and turn on mah forehand. It's not much problem to learn. First I learn the physical cue and teh word on the ground, you know, getting both the messages together, then I can just hear the word and do it, or can just feel the signal and do it. Then Mah Editor climbs up on me and we work on it som more.

We have been doing this all week. It's not as exciting as it soundzzzzzzzzz . . . . . *snore*

Tomorrow, though, I get Two Special Visitors.

Hoof Champion

2007-07-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

Today is the day I get new shoes. I've been practicing every day. Because I've been thinking. Before you act ugly to som one who is trying to help you, before you raise your leg up high in the air, before you shift all your weight to the foot he is trying to pick up, before you aggravate som one who has already shooed a barn full of horses that day, who is holding a hammer, you should put yourself in *hiz* position. How would I like it if som one thwarted me at every turn? I would not like it.

So I stand like a champ and get back shoes. I have turned over to a new leaf. Besides, Mah Editor told me that I must behave or soon no one will want to work on my feets.

Guest Blogger Molly Casper

2007-07-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

Molly back at ya here, coming to you from indoors in the shade where the fan is blowing. It certainly is cool in here. I don't know what it's like outside. Let's ask Paul, shall we? May be Paul will know. Since he is outside. In the hot. Without a fan. That's too bad for Paul.

(Editor's Note: It's a well-known fact that Molly despises Paul. Paul is fine--a breeze is blowing and he has on his fly mask.)

Check out my spy mask. This way I can look at you with out you knowing I am watching you. In case you are sneaking up on me with a halter and a lead rop to go put a saddle onto me. It is not worth getting the grooms if I am only going to have to haul you around som where. Speaking of masks, Paul has got a mask but his does not have green on it.

That is all I have to say to you right now, Dear Reader. Check back in the future, when I hope to be making another comment.

Okay, Listen Up

2007-07-14T19:35:00.001-07:00

Special guest commentator coming tomorrow.

Opportunity ov a Lifetime

2007-07-14T19:32:00.001-07:00

As I was coming up out of the pasture today, a trailer full of hay came in on the big bloo truck. The long truck and trailer hemmed us in. The only way out is to eat mah way through the hay stacked onto the trailer. I was born for this.

But as luck would hav it, the big gate can swing open a little wider and we are able to slip through.

Dam.

Little Red Riding Hud

2007-07-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

Som what chilly here this evening. 62 degrees F.

I can't wait for fall and then coms winter. I have requested a red coat. One light weight, one heavy weight and one medium-weight puffy liner (does not need to be red but preferably should be red.) Instead of a hud that attaches to me separately, wut I need is a coat with the hud built on.

Smash Hit

2007-07-11T17:03:00.000-07:00

Walkin' throo the pasture
Lookin' around
Belleh like a beach ball
Hangin' down

Wut’s that thing?
Will it bite?
Can I eat it?
You know that’s right

Peeps callin’ mah name
Hoppin’ around
Is that a peppermint wrapper?
I know that sound!

Give it to me
Don’t be shy
Com on I’m hongry
I ain’t gon lie

Hurry up and grooms me
That feels good
Put on the saddle
Take a walk in the wood

I’m a giant mule
You don’t need to worry
I won’t trip on nothing
Or get in a hurry

Back to the barn
Tack me down
Lemmeh eat som grass
And stroll around

I’m Paul.
Yeah that’s right.
I’m Paul.
Rollin’ VIP
Huh huh huh huh
I’m Paul.
Wut wut wut?
I’m Paul.
(fadeout)

Danger! Look Out!

2007-07-08T17:10:00.000-07:00

Snake in teh grass! Snake in teh grass! Stomp the mule dance on him! Mash him, even though Mah Editor is on mah back!

Oh, wait . . . it's just a garden hose. Never mind.

Mah Brain

2007-07-07T20:28:00.001-07:00

The Real Story About the Fourth of July

2007-07-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

After the American Revolution ended, when Charls III, King of Spain, wanted to make friends with George Washington, he knew he had to send him som thing good in the mail. Som thing fancy. Som thing valuable. Som thing that no one else in the world had.

Did Charls send gold? No. Did he send jewelrys? No. What about a fancy sword with Washington's name wrote on the handle? NO.

Charls sent George Washington a mammoth Spanish jack donkey, so that he could start making draft mules like yours truly. And in conclusion, that is why we have the Fourth of July, to celebrate mules in America. It's a fact, you can look it up on the internets.

DO NOT LIEK!

2007-07-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

Today I made a self-discovery. I don't like things onto my legs. In fact, things onto my legs turn me into a real jerk.

I hav given my Defy Teh Fly bands to Lady.

9-1-1

2007-07-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

Last night there was an animal into teh pasture. He looked like this:
Didn't get a good look at his face though he was wearing a mask.

Not Available in Stores

2007-07-01T18:07:00.000-07:00

Announcement

2007-06-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

If you have a website or a blog and would like to be listed on Paul's faves, write to Paul at geehawpaul@yahoo.com.

MOLLY!

2007-06-30T17:41:00.000-07:00

Gosh Paul, is there any chance we can get a picture *without* you all up in it?

Molly here. How are you? I'm the other mule who lives here and I am happy to have the chance to fill in for Paul today. Paul will not be making a comment today. I am making the comment because Paul is mad. Paul had to work into the rains today. That is unfortunate for Paul. I am sorry to hear that Paul had to get ridden in the rain this afternoon. Are you sorry for Paul? Because *I* am sorry for Paul.

(Editor's Note: I cannot type any more of these lies. The truth is that Molly loathes Paul.)

Okay, may be not every body runs up and hugs me and talks to me like every one does with Paul. But I am the mule that the children like. I am the mule that gives rides to the children and gets lots of pets on the nek. I am also the mule that is not so #*@% big that he takes up all of the room into the trailer and has to have a special bridle and bit and saddle. I am The Normal one. So if you want a normal mule, I'm the one you want. Not that other one.

So like I said, if you want to hear about normal, exciting mule things, I am the one to ask. If you want to hear about foooooooood, or about som body's feeeeeeeeeeet, or about how hongry he is, fine, go talk to Paul. I hope to be making another comment into the future at som point, so stay tuned.

Shout Out

2007-06-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

Hey to all my peeps in New Zealand, which is not the same place as Australia. Hey to my peep in India and the one in Brazil (in Rio de Janerio? or in Sao PAULO?) And to teh person down in Chile where the grapes grow. Big ups to all the East Coast players, teh high rollers in the Midwest and my homies in Cali and the West Coast.

When You're Big

2007-06-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

My Defy Teh Fly leg bands came into the mail today from Adams Pet Supplies. I put them on first thing this afternoon and they are too small to go around mah leg. It's hard to find things that fit when you're big. I cannot Defy The Flys until she fixes them.

Come Back Tomorrow

2007-06-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

The guest commentary has been posponed until tomorrow when Mah Editor can remember to bring the camera to take a picture of the guest. I must say, the sense of personal responsibiltys in our society has gone straight down the toilet.

List of Grievances

2007-06-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

Important Announcement

2007-06-28T08:56:00.001-07:00

Tommorrow there will be a surprise Guest Commentator.

I Has Visitors!

2007-06-28T08:54:00.001-07:00

42 different people came to see me yesterday and I bleeve some one has even visited me from Taiwan! That's in Asia. Got som body from the Northwest, too. Pacific Coast represent, woot!

User Statistics

2007-06-26T19:21:00.001-07:00

I been having her add som new things to this blog page. Tell all your friends to visit this blog so I can get dots on mah map up there. Don't let me be embarrassed by having a map without any dots onto it.

Secret map technology also lets me see where has people logged in from and see who is visiting mah page right now. Oh, hey, I see yoooo. Thanks for stopping by.

HOT!

2007-06-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

Every year between 175 and 400 Americans die from extreme heat. Young childrens, elderly peoples, retired Amish draft mules and those who are sick or overweight are more likely to become victims.

Here are som guidelines from the AMA to help you beat the heat.

1. Drink plenty of water. Shove your way to the front of the water trough. Be there first thing when it gets filled up.

2. Limit intake of alcohol and caffeen. Hunh?

3. Eat less protein. "Foods that increase metabolic heat production also increase water loss." Hum, I did not know this. "It is best to eat smaller meals more frequently." I concur.

4. Wear light colored clothing. Or don't wear any clothing at all, except yer anti-fly mask.

5. Wear a wide brimmed hat. Or yer fly mask.

6. Avoid too much sunshine. Stay in your cinderblock shelter, or down at the end of the pasture where all the trees are.

7. Cover windows to block the sun. If you happen to hav a window. If you are like the majority of mules and do not have a window, disregard this one.

8. Stay inside with air-conditioning. See tip #7, above.

9. Plan your errands. If you hav any errands, that is.

10. Schedule strenuous work for early mornings and evenings. Or never. How about never?

Thank You

2007-06-23T23:13:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all the peoples who have written in to check on mah editor's sick granddad. The doctor took a picture of his lung today and it looks better. However, he has to stay another night just to make sure and to send in more antibiotic into the vein. Pill antibiotic is not as much good. We know that he is feeling much better because to day he was very hongry.

While we are on the subject of health, this might be an appropriate time for me to remind all of you that it is mosquito season. Be sure that you are up to date on all your vaccines (of course) but especially the one against Wes Nile. Wes Nile can kill you.

Emergency!

2007-06-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

Not so many posts (or visits) this week. Mah editor's granddad has been into the hospital. He has got newmonias into his right lung and might get to go home tomorrow, depending on what is on the picture of his lung in the morning. In the meantime, he is laying into the hospital bed, getting his fluid in a vein. Do not worry, he is not having to be in the hospital alone, people have been with him all the time even at night.

I Has a Crush

2007-06-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

Fetish

2007-06-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

Oh man, did you know if you do a search on YouTube for "mules" you get all kinds of videos of human ladies walking around in shoes with no backs?

I feel dirty.

Health News

2007-06-20T16:26:00.001-07:00

I am a champ for the vet today.

Planet Unicorn Heyyyyy . . .

2007-06-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

Sorry About That

2007-06-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

Farrier came to see me yesterday and I was a real butt hole. Not mah fault! I has foot issues! I opologize.

(Editor's note: We have talked about this. You can do it!)

Kingdom Animalia

2007-06-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

This is an animal that supposedly lives into the ocean. It is called an "octopus." This animal does not even appear to have a bone in him.

I am reasonably certain there is no such animal on earth. But just in case, I am only going to stick my feets in the pond a little ways from now on.

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

2007-06-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

Today I get a haircut and a bath. I resist a little simply for the sake of argument. Peternarian is coming on Wednesday and I need to look squared away. I'm going to give him som blood and let him clean mah sheath.

En Vacances

2007-06-18T16:46:00.000-07:00

Excuse the recent lack of post . . . mah editor has been out of town on a vacation. She went to the beach with her family. I was not invited. I was not inerested in going any way. Because, first of all, they all bought matching swimsuit trunks, pale bloo with white palm trees on them. Matchy-matchy is dorky. Plus, I don't want to wear that pattern of swim trunk. I would rather have a pair with flowers on them, vintage-like.

(I has already placed mah order!)

Second of all, I don't even think there is such a place called the beach. Because listen to this. There is no grass and no hays at the beach. All the water at the beach has been salted. And made-up animals live into the water, fish made out of jelly that will sting you, animals with eight arms that can hug you to death, fish with pointy teeth that can bite a mule in two with one chomp.

Sheesh, if she did not want me to go, all she had to do was say so. No need to make up fantasies.

News Update

2007-06-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

These men are fighting in an Islamic GeeHaw.

Hey Ladies

2007-06-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

Hongry

2007-06-11T16:42:00.000-07:00

Look Out!

2007-06-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

CHICKON IN TEH PASTURE! CHICKON IN TEH PASTURE! STOMP IT! MASH IT! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!

Oh, *ahem*, what I meant to say is, "O squiggly chicken bird, please com a little bit closer to me so that I can see you."

Still Hongry

2007-06-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

News About Mah Foot

2007-06-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

Mah abcess is almost grown out. While I was walking around eating grass today, mah editor and Miss Paige were talking about how good mah feet are looking. Paige told mah editor how the feet looked when I first came to live here. They was full of holes. I never said anything, but that is why I used to hate to have the hoofs cleaned.

Mah editor does not much care for the Amish peeples. Now that I think about it, I don't either. When I want to go to som place now, I get in the *trailer* and *ride*. I got *lights* in the barn. And if I want to get groomed and fixed up inside, you know what? That's right, I got a *fan* blowing right down on me. Hear that music in teh background? That's playing on teh *radio*.

I Got a Cinderblock Shelter

2007-06-06T18:02:00.001-07:00

Cool in the summertimes, warm in the wintertimes.

Tennessee Stalking Horse

2007-06-06T18:01:00.001-07:00

I wish Chief would stop following me around the pasture. He is kind of freaking me out.

Yer Health Is the Most Important Thing

2007-06-06T17:54:00.000-07:00

Remember Lester? He's that guy I posted about a long time ago who was looking for a girl friend? Yeah, well, he has been bad sick with his belleh at the peternarians. I just wanted to say that I am happy that he is back at home again with his long dog Limo.

Lester would also like to add that he has got his own blog, so PHHHTTTTBBBT!

http://lessismore17.blogspot.com/

Get 'Er Done

2007-06-05T17:43:00.000-07:00

And so to bed.

I Got Skilz

2007-06-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

I hav finally learned to help mah editor open a gate. We maneuver up to the gate. Then she leans way down and unlatches it. Then I must . . . resist . . . powerful urge . . . to bust through gate. Gate swings opens, we turn around and we walks through.

We cannot yet close the gate.

I thought I was too old to learn but it turns out I have a talent for this kind of thing. What can I say? I'm a mule, I got a big brain.

I Forgots All About Memorial Day

2007-05-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

"The Offside Leader" by Will Ogilvie

written December 8, 1918

This is the wish as he told it to me, of Gunner McPherson of Battery B.

I want no ribbon nor medals to wear, I’ve done my bit, and I’ve had my share

Of filth and fighting, blood and tears, and doubt and death in the last four years.

My team and I were among the first contemptible few, when the war-clouds burst.

We sweated our gun through dust and heat, we hauled her back in the big retreat,

With weary horses and short of shell, turning our backs on them, that was Hell!

That was at Mons, but we came back there, with shining horses and shells to spare,

And much I’ve suffered and much I’ve seen, from Mons to Mons on the miles between.

But I want no medals nor ribbons to wear, all I ask for my fighting share

Is this, that England should give to me, the offside leader of Battery B.

She was a round-ribbed, blaze-faced brown, shy as a country girl in town,

Scared at the gangway, scared at the quay, lathered in sweat at the sight of the sea.

But brave as a lion and strong as a bull, with the mud at the hub in an uphill pull.

She learned her job, as the best ones do, and we hadn’t been more than a week or two,

Before she would stand like a rooted oak, while bullets whined and the shrapnel broke,

And a mile of the ridges rocked in glee, as the shells went over from Battery B.

We swayed with the battle back and forth, lugging the limbers south and north,

Round us the world was red with flame, as we gained or gave in the changing game.

But forwards or backwards, losses or gains, there were empty saddles and idle chains,

For death took some on the galloping track, and beckoned some from the bivouac,

Till at last were left but my mare and me, of all who went over with Battery B.

My mates have gone and left me alone, their horses are heaps of ash and bone.

Of all who went out in courage and speed, there is left but the little brown mare in the lead.

The little brown mare with a blaze on her face, who would die of shame at a slack in her trace,
Who would swing the team at the least command, who would charge a house at the clap of a hand,

Who would turn from a shell to nuzzle my knee, the offside leader of Battery B.

But I want no medals nor ribbons to wear, if I’ve done my bit, it was only my share,

A man has his pride and the good of his cause, and the love of his home, they are unwritten laws.

But what of the horses who worked by our side? Who in faith as of children fought with us and died?

If I through it all have been true to my task, I ask for one honour, this only I ask--

The gift of one gunner.

I know of a place, where I’d leave a brown mare with a blaze on her face,

‘Neath low leafy lime trees, ‘mid cocksfoot and clover,

To dream, with the dragon-flies glistening over.

I Don't Know Anything About It

2007-05-27T06:49:00.000-07:00

We got new jump standards in the arena. I like them better than the blue ones. The blue ones were made of steel and were not edible. The new ones are made of wood and are not edible. I repeat, they are not edible, no matter how tasty they might smell. Please ignore any teef marks you might see on the top of some of them. I don't know who put them there. Nor do I know who lifted them up off the ground and moved them a little bit out of position. Because it was not me.

2007-05-27T06:41:00.000-07:00

People ask me all the time, "Paul, what does it mean to be a mule?" I have taken the time to put it in an easy-to-follow flow chart (see below). Click on it to enlarge it.

Bass Ackwards

2007-05-22T18:18:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a long time, mah editor came out to see me. As usual, there was the customary Brushing and Grooming of the Feet, followed by the Distribution of the Snak. There was also the Application of the Fly Sprays. It has been so long since she has been here that she forgots how to ride. That's right, she sat on me backwards today.

It is that time of the year when there is fresh green hays laid out for me. A whole truckload of it crawled up into the hay loft on a conveyor belt. I am going to eat every single bit of it by myself and not share it with one single person this means you Bullseye, Whiskey, Senor Huck, Molly all of you %&*#@*.

I saw a broom and tried to eat it. The hay it is made out of tastes terriful.

Snubbed

2007-05-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

Mah editor walked right by me today. I was pretending like I didn' t notice her on account of I didn't feel like going up and going to works. When I looked up again she was walking right past me leading Senor Huck. SENOR HUCK! They were all up there doing grooms and working in the new ring and having snack treats. Oh noes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Help You God

2007-05-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

Last week mah editor testified at two federal trials. While she is still under oat, I would like to ask her a few questions.

Me: “Woman, can you describe how you spend a typical Saturday?”

Mah Editor: “On Saturdays, I usually sleep a little bit late, go running, then go to the grocery store. In the afternoon I go out to see you, sir.”

Me: “Last Saturday, did you go to the grocery store?”

Mah Editor: “Yes, I did.”

Me: “Which grocery store did you go to yesterday, which was a Saturday?”

Mah Editor: “I went to the Wal-Mart Supercenter.”

Me: “Is that the grocery store where you usually shops?”

Mah Editor: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Is it your regular practice to buy Sam’s Brand Oat and Honey granola bars on your grocery shopping trips?”

Mah Editor: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Did you buy them yesterday?”

Mah Editor: “No sir, I did not.”

Me: “Thank you. Your Honor, I has no further questions.”

Somthing New

2007-05-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

Today I went into the curve bit with a chin strap. Busting through the just-opened gate is now more problematic. *scheme* *scheme*

I am pleased to report that the new ring is now safe, all scary things are gone. It is now safe to enter the new ring. I repeat, it is now safe to enter the new ring.

Nothing mah editor has matches. Black headstall and reins, havana saddle, white cotton girth . . . she is making me look like a total geek. I know they make brown tack for large fellows, I've seen it on the internets. But I has no moneys!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I did get a fly mask. It makes me look like a terrorist. On this day I begin mah fly jihad. Death to the fly infidels!

I also have a green and white halter. Green lead rop soon to come, one can only hope.

Haiku

2007-04-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

Mah fluffy belleh
Pointy withers up top, though
Bareback? If you dare!

Decision

2007-04-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

NO! I will not walk over there in the one corner of the new ring. Ask me again tomorrow.

I don't mind if you lean over and open the gate while sitting on my back. I got no problems with that. Just watch your knees because I am going to bust through once you swing it open.

Your Carrots, Give Them to Me

2007-04-24T20:19:00.001-07:00

LOLZ

2007-04-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

Question

2007-04-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

What is a pimp, exactly?

Out of Town

2007-04-24T18:04:00.000-07:00

I apologize for not having wrote to you in a while. I have been out of town at Hanging Rock State Park for part of the times. We got onto the trailer and rode all the way up there and walked all the way to the river and back. I have got a Responsibility. Responsibility is when you walk calmly along the trail up and down the hills and across the streams and roads and railroad track, past the dogs, past the deers, near the gun shots, past other horses you don't know, so that your editor who has never been on a trail ride before ever, much less a 30-mile trail ride, does not freak out. It is okay, though, to canter a little bit on the way back. More pictures to come so check back, yeah.

That's How I Roll

2007-04-19T17:57:00.000-07:00

The farrier paid me a surprise visit today, during which I held up all mah feets no problemo! I got nice new shoes, yeah. I have been thinking and maybe I was wrong about this whole foot thing.

You know what is scary? When stuff is not where it is supposed to be, that's what. Like when you're coming out of the pasture and you look up and all of a sudden there's a big pile of feed bags and Rubbermaid boxes full of blankets and whatnot all up in the middle of the driveway. If somone were to put his ears straight up and stand on his tiptoe, you really couldn't blame him.

WARNING! DANGER!

2007-04-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

Stay away from the far side of the riding ring. There is a large red and green object lurking in the grass. It has not moved yet, but be on the alert. There is also an irregularly shaped ornamental pond with tall grass growing up out of it. Not only does the grass wave to and fro, it does not appear to be edible.

The Devastation!

2007-04-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

One of mah trees has blown down. I loved that tree. I also love the tiny green leafs on the ends of the tree branches, which are now accessible to me.

I am nearly inconsolable.

Shopping List

2007-04-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

Saturday is grocery shopping day.

24-Hour Bug

2007-04-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

I didn't feel so hot yesterdays. I'd like to thank everybody who came to check on me, today I feel much better.

Som Kind of World Record

2007-04-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

I have held up all mah feets for like, three days in a ROW now.

Big Deal

2007-04-10T18:31:00.000-07:00

TODAY I PICK UP EACH ONE OF MAH FEETS AND HOLD IT UP FOR CLEANING.

Mutton Bustin'

2007-04-10T17:15:00.000-07:00

Young Jack made it to the finals of mutton bustin' at the horse show last Friday. He did not win in the finals but did get some cash money and is now a professional sheep rider. Congratulations!

Player Haters

2007-04-10T17:03:00.000-07:00

I couldn't pull in the big pull on account of there only being one of me and on account of mah being a mule. It's all right, I got to take a ride on the trailer and eat some strange grass.

I also got a new harness with CHROMES and I am going to Mule Days, yeah. See you there.

I Got Dibs on This Hay

2007-04-05T19:04:00.000-07:00

Call the Pet Authorities

2007-04-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when somone is standing around being brushed, etc., other people feel the need to touch them in certain spots. Personal, private spots that are not normally exposed. That's right, I'm talking about the hoof.

Sometimes there is a crowd of people sitting around watching and laughing while two people gang up on the one person, who just happened to be minding his own business when sombody came out and dragged him off the hay pile.

I know a guy that happened to one time.

I Got a Friend

2007-04-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

I got a friend. His name is Lester. ----> Having no editor of his own, he has asked me to post this photo. Ladies, if you're interested, let me know. I can hook you up.

2007-04-02T16:29:00.000-07:00

Taking It Back Old School

2007-04-01T17:10:00.001-07:00

<--Here I am, doing what I do best. I really like this picture because in it, I look smaller than I really am and my editor looks larger than she really is. That will teach her to call me fat.

I spent a long time working for some Amish people, who, despite their claims of a simple, godly lifestyle, promptly sent me down to auction in North Carolina once I hit age 17 or so.

I was a good mule. I could pull. I could pull anything. Plows, wagons, heavy logs. Time took a toll on my body. My shoulders are shrunk up because my old owners wouldn't buy me a collar that fit. But, as my therapist says, I got to let the past go. I have got it good now. I don't miss the past. I am glad to live in a place that believes in the internal combustion engine. I like it when people bring me hay and treats on the four-wheeler, yeah. I like living in the 21st century. I like to see people wearing clothes that are colored. If I had known before that people could be this nice, I don't think I could have stood it where I used to be.

And now I have a nice brown collar that fits me perfectly and a whole set of harness all to myself. Today after carrying my editor around in the ring for, like, EVER (ed. note: Our ride lasted 15 minutes), Cowboy hitched me to a little plow and I pulled it around. Hmph, it was light as a feather. ("Paul! You look *slim*!" everyone says to me.) You know what? Mah ears flopped back and forth and I liked it. I say, and I think Cowboy agrees, that plowing is most enjoyable when you do it for funs and not for necessity.

Regardless, we are all going to the big horse show next Saturday and enter the weight pulling contest. I got to show those young fools how it is done. First, though, I need a haircut, another bath and som of that stuff in a can that makes your hair shiny. Sombody has got to polish my harness, too.

LOST!

2007-03-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

There is someone I am looking for. She is about 5'3" inches tall, brown hair, pointy nose, is a human. Have you seen her around? She has not been to visit in three days.

Woman! If you are out there, please listen to me! Is this about the washpit, when I repeatedly leaned over to the left in an effort to mash you against the wall? Because if it is, I'm sorry about that. Really. My bad. What? It isn't that? Oh well, okay, never mind then. *rolls eyes shiftily*

[ed. note: I have had to work late every day this week.]

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Me but Were Afraid to Ax!

2007-03-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

Name: Paul Casper
DOB: 1989-ish
Height: Tall
Weight: Heavy
Favorite foods: Apples, pears, carrots, grain. Hay. Peppermints. What is that you got in your hand? Because that looks good too. Are you going to eat all of that by yourself?
Turn-ons? Food, face scritches, hugs around the neck, being groomed, yeah.
Turn-offs? Trotting, cantering, fast walking, getting mah feet picked out.
How long *is* your head, anyway? Mah head is approximately two feet long.
Where do you live? In the pasture with all mah peeps. Tex, Huck, Comanche, Molly, Nikki . . .
No, where exactly do you live? Maple Hill Stables on Boulder Road, right next to the barn where they keep the hay and the grains, yeah.

Introduction

2007-03-26T16:43:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'm Paul Casper. Pleased to meet you! I am a mule. If you have found your way to this blog, you are probably at least a little bit curious about what goes on in mah life. First things first. This picture up above? That's me with the ears. That person on top? That's the woman who leases me. She comes out every day at 6 p.m. (I wait for her at the gate.), and around lunchtime on weekends. Aw, who am I kidding? It's always lunchtime for me. You can find me by the big round bale at the top of the pasture, or out in the field. If I'm not there, you can reach me by e-mail at geehawpaul@yahoo.com.